And jokes

What is the difference between Batman and Black Panther?

Batman returns.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

He can’t walkie or talkie.

What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.

How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?

About nine months and a day.

A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?

The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.

The gay couple was still packing their shit.

The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”

A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.