And jokes

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

What's the difference between a McDonald's and the Twin Towers?

McDonald's has a drive-thru.

Dark humor is like water: some people get it, and some people don't.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?

One's a drive-through and one's a fly-through.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?

Snoopy Dog.

What's the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers?

The Leaning Tower of Pisa has better reflexes.

You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"

What do dark humor and food have in common?

Some get it, some don't.

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?

One of them is actually loved.

Roses are red and violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the third one's for you.

I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.

An apple and an emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time.

Who hit the ground first?

The apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet.