And jokes

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and the Leaning Tower of Pizza?

One held its balance, the other two fell.

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,

that's a big red flag!

If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.

A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.

The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."

Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

What does a gun and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

Tired of having to cut your grass? Dye it blue, and it will die itself.

What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?

My dad went to get both and never came back.

What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?

Nothing, they both crashed.

If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Orphans don't get picked.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?

People actually have a use for one of them.

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang off trees.

What starts with F and ends with CK?

Firetruck.