And jokes

Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

I didn't ask: ❌

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?

KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.

It's my New Year's resolution.

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?

Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!

What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?

I pull out of the driveway.

Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.

What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

What is black, white, and red all over?

My third wife.

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:

You) I 1 poopoo

(Them) I 2 poopoo

(You) I 3 poopoo

(Them) I 4 poopoo

(You) I 5 poopoo

(Them) I 6 poopoo

(You) I 7 poopoo

(Them) I 8 poopoo

And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”

"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.

"Give me the good news first," the patient said.

"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."

"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"I've been trying to reach you for two days."

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"