And jokes

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!

I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.

What do you call a criminal?

Disarmed and dangerous.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?

You can pop their head off.

How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?

It never gets old.

Yo mama so fat and emo, we call her the rock and roll.

What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?

It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.

A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.

A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"