And jokes

What's long and black? The line at KFC.

I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?

An orphan has all their teeth intact.

What is black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.

What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

Head, shoulders, screws, and bolts.

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”

Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”

How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man that is homophobic into giving him a brojob?

The gay man puts mustard on his dick and then puts his dick inside a glory hole.

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

My grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology." I said, "We will see about that," and I unplugged his life support.

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds, and he can only do it once.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.