And jokes
What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?
One is Super. The other is just soup.
I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.
What's the difference between babies and onions?
You don't cry cutting up babies.
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
Memes
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
Popular guy in class: I am so funny.
Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.
What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A. A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Q: What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
A: Apples get picked.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.