And jokes

My girlfriend accused me of cheating, and I said to her, "You're starting to sound like my wife."

People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.

Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?

One of them is wanted.

What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?

They’re both alone, but only one is home.

I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him up!

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.

"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"

"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."

"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."

How many fingers does the Dragonborn have?

Four fingers and a Thu'um.

Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?

A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

What has four legs and one arm?

A rottweiler at a park.

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.

What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?

Me & my dad!

Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.