And jokes

What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?

The child has no trouble shooting.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy, but in the end, Jack got a face full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?

The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.

What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.

Funny things or weird things to say to someone.

Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.

It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!

Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.

Baby-Bugga-Boo.

Fuzzkins.

Lumpy.

Nilly.

Ninty Minty.

and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!

I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"

What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?

Incest.

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

Me, calls the police*

Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!

Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.

Me: Why, so you can then stop me?

Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!

Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!

Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?

...A girl scout that got hit by a car.

What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?

The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!

Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.

He won’t stand against the three of us!

What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?

Genocide is racist.

Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.

Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.

What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?

Her miscarriage.

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?

A: One uses one nail to hang.

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snow balls.

"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.

Except at a funeral.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.