And jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. Jack fell down, his cock was out, and Jill gained a daughter.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."

What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?

They’re both hanging in the closet.

Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."

What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?

You decide.

Dear disabled people, simply go to settings and enable it.

Girl: Hey.

Orphan: Hi.

Girl: Wanna be friends?

Orphan: Sure.

Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.

Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!

I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.