And jokes

How would you best describe prostate cancer?

Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!

One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "Yes," and lifted up her dress. Then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

What's white and can't climb a tree?

A refrigerator.

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.

An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.

So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?

..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.

What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?

I don't have $1 million in my wallet.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.

Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."

I am Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are HeHee.

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."

One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.