And jokes
These days, there are only two political parties in India: BJP and anti-BJP.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. π€‘π
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
Memes
Ohio getting out of hand
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would just crash and burn.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and I feel better.
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."