And jokes

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?

people go there to fix their mistakes.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?

The tomato gets picked.

Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

The apples get picked.

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"