And jokes

Cake

What's the difference between cake and pie?

πr2, cakes are round.

Death

I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.

Super Bowl

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

Mexican

The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.

Sex

Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.

Memes

And memes

Lobster

What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

Drunk people

An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.

The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.

The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.

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    • Kid

    Blind

    I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

    Problem

    I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.

    Vegetable

    Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.

    Feminist

    What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.

    Suicide

    This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

    Wheelchair

    So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

    He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

    Politician

    Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.

    Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.

    Common

    What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans

    Gun shop

    I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.