And jokes

What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Heads and shoulders.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.

Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"

Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?

Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.

Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

Why can orphans never be kidnapped?

No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?

They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?

A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.