And jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

The apples get picked.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

What do emo kids and bananas have in common?

They both hang on trees.

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?

The condom was actually useful at one point.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They can't see their parents.

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?

Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.

Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.

Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair, and he was getting bullied. I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?

A nervous wreck.

I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

What do an orphan's parents and Nemo have in common?

They both can't be found.