And jokes

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?

They can both flash.

Yo mama so stupid that she sat on the TV and watched the couch.

We are in a matrix, wake up.

Helen Keller threw the garbage out and broke a vehicle.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"

If you make jokes about SH, you're not funny, and if you do, I'm gonna assume you're some 12-year-old who wants to be an edge lord. I don't really care if people get pressed.

Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.

Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.

So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"

Your mama is so fat, it said "To be continued..." then it loaded and said "One person at a time!"

One thing you can ask Mario:

"Can you jump up and down for me?"

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

What's black and yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of orphans.

What don't Rick Astley and the Twin Towers have in common?

One won't let you down, while the other will.

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

One rainy day a NASCAR race was going on and they had no other choice but to use this bitch's forehead. https://sportsrecruits.com/athlete/morgan_tomporowski

What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?

My dad hates them both!

Why does Aaron have no friends? Because his spine is weird and he is fat.

Why didn’t the orphan play baseball?

Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they can’t run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?