And jokes

What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?

The Monkees and Gorillaz.

"Sing in music lesson"

"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."

This website is cruel and is NOT funny.

So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"

Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?

A: A few weeks.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...

"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"

How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?

Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.

The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.

What has 5 legs, 3 arms, and 7 feet?

The finish line at the marathon bombing.

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

Why do gay men and lesbians believe that bisexual men don't exist because there is no such thing as male bisexuality?

Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.

What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.

I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍

My wife is a whore, so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man. End of story, you women are bitches.

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

Lady: I am going to come to your house.

Man: Ok.

An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.

Man: You are going to cum to my house!

And then he fucks her.