And jokes

Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"

I was walking, and I saw an orphan, and I said, "Where are your parents?"

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.

A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,

"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"

During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

One day you were at the store and you see you in a cart, and so you get out, and it was a mirror. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Lol

"That's not my age; it's just not true.

My heart is young; the time just flew.

I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."

What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.

Yo momma is like a penny...

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants!

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

What the difference between cats and dogs? They dont have one both taste good

What's a zig zag and made of wood?

Stephen's coffin.

I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

I like my women like I like my diving pool:

Deep and wet.

What do you do when you made a misteak?

You do some yoga 🧘‍♀️ and say, "Namaaa steak."

A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"