And jokes

To RANDYYYY,

Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.

-ALYA with love

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

What borders on stupidity?

Scotland and the EU.

The fish swam in litter and oh, dam!

Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?

What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.

Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!

No one will fight me, who is brave and strong enough to beat this beta simp femboy?

There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.

What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?

Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.

My balls are so purple that I use them as crayons, and I am not talking about the balls you play with. I am talking about the boy balls.

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

America and UK are a joke.

My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.

Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.

What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?

A train driver's egg sandwich.

What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.

When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.

Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.

Q: What’s the difference between orphans and apples?

A: Apples get picked.

What does Stephen Hawking and a prostitute have in common?

They both charge.