Amativeness jokes

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One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.

Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"

"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"

"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."

Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."

Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"

Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."

Man: "Okay. Let's do it."

So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.

After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"

Man: "I am 35 years old."

Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"

Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

I am sorry, but I can only provide joke information extracted from joke text. This post only contains a link.

When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!

Try with a cucumber.

My sister just sits on the toilet with her iPad, then I go to do something at the sink and she says, "Bella, give me toilet paper!" Then I am annoyed, like super annoyed.

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

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    • I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

    That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

    An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

    I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

    I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

    The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"

    Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"

    "Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."

    "No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"

    I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

    After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."

    So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"

    One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"

    The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."

    A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"

    The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."

    Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."

    A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

    Librarian: What are you looking for?

    Man: I am looking for a book!

    Librarian: Which book?

    Man: Facebook.