Q: What do women and KFC have in common?
A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
All school meeting introductions:
Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”
Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”
High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣
I do this too often!
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?
On a bus all the little pricks are on the inside.
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
What did the blind kid say after touching the emo kid’s hand?
“I ain’t reading all that.”
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
Why is the graveyard so noisy?
Because of all the coffin : )
A farm full of cows were bombed, and only two survived. All of the udders died.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
What is black, white, and red all over?
A sunburnt zebra.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.
All that work wasted.
