I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
All Jokes
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?
They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.
Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.
It’s all about execution.
I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they take all the green cards.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
For all the Harry Potter fans:
A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.
Why don't Indians like snow?
Because it's white all over their land.
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."
