Aed jokes
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.