Actuality jokes

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it actually came back.

What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?

The condom was actually useful at one point.

Why do orphans play GTA?

'Cause they're actually wanted.

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel actually has family.

What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

Have you seen the Justin meme?

Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?

Just-in time for deez nuts.

Bruh.

But actually, it's a parody.

Wait, actually?

Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."

Vortex: "You'll do what?"

Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"

*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*

Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."

A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.

What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?

The flowers actually get picked.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple actually got picked.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?