Actuality jokes
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?
While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
Out of a total population of 1.3 billion, no one in Africa actually speaks "African."
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!
This page is for fat jokes, right? Well, I am breaking the mold! Yo Mama so fat! That's not a Joke it's True.
P.S. If your mom is actually fat, then I am sorry that I don't care.
I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.
Um.
Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually came back.
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.
Why do orphans play GTA?
'Cause they're actually wanted.
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel actually has family.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.