Simone

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

A. May your baby rest in pieces.

Q. What do you call a porn movie about disabled people?

A. Special O.

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

Q: What's a conspiracy theorist's favorite letter? A: Q.

Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?

A: They always seem to cut a little too close.

I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.

Emos,

They're always a cut above the rest.

If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.

Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?

They're calling it Finding Emo.

I'd tell a slavery joke, but they've been flogged to death.

Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?

A. They call an AmBOOlance.

My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."

I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

Abortion clinics don't do deliveries.

Abortion isn't murder, it's more like backspacing a typo.

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

I should probably stop making rape jokes.

They just feel so forced.

I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.