Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
Shower thoughts
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tail? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, " Yall mutherfuckers aint gonna believe dis shit"
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
a man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night and she said chinese food, so he took her to china. The next night, he asked her again, she said indian, so he took her to india. The next night, he asked her again, she said, "Nothin." so he took her to africa
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDS.
what do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
dine and dash
I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was absolutely crawling in pussy.
Why aren't blind people allowed to skydive anymore? It really scares the shit out of the dogs.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
They are making new versions of the Star Wars films. The names have only just come out. There is Star wars Attack of the Trannies, Star Wars The Trannie Awakens, Star Wars Rogue Trannie, Star Wars The LGBTQ Strikes Back and then there is Star Wars The Last Striaght Man.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.