Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She moans with the other.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slicker hair back she looks 15.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon? Squirtle
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in the car? 2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back
What can’t a Black person say to a police officer?
"Thanks for the warning."
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"