3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
How many Police Officers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism? Bean Dip
Michael Jakson gets really ill so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there he says 'am i in heaven?' The doctor replies 'Nah sir we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward.'
What do a stripper and a coconut have in common they both have a creamy center
Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? The rooster says.. cock a doodle doo. The prostitute says.. any cock will do.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
"White people can't jump..."
"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna. Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
School shooting happens* Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk* American student: "First time?"
The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.
That day is called "April Fool's."
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead, I scratched it off and won a fucking ford focus!
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.