What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
Cops have the hardest job, they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well, she will not have the ability
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
There are some questionable candies out there, such as:
"All I want is a good Blow Pop."
"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."
"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."
"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."
"Or adopt Three Musketeers."
"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
What is the best Catholic dating app?
Grinder.
What’s the difference between kids and drugs?
I don’t hide drugs in my basement.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.