Wade

@wade

Registered on · 107 followers · Last active 1 year ago

Grade

  • Asian Grading scale: A- Average.

    B- Half Average.

    C- Stupid idiot!

    D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!

    F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!

    Exercise

  • How do you know that Americans hate exercise?

    9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?

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  • Police

  • Knock, knock.

    (Who’s there?)

    It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.

  • Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) It’s Dave! (Dave who?) Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

    Oreo

  • It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!