Worst Jokes Ever
Hey Max, what's up? The sky.
Why did the two balls cross the road?
To get to the penis!
Sorry, too rude?
When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.
YEEEHAWW!
Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.
Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.
My question is, how do fat people fit in tuxedos? Honestly, don’t wear those. Wear your regular clothes. Your belly is just gonna pop out!
People are like trees...
If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
What do you call a pig in a farm?
- A pig in a farm.
Why did the car fall asleep?
Because he was too tired.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."