"1v1 me bitch!"
Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Why don't orphans play football?
They can't find home.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
To people who say that depression hits hard...
The car begs to disagree.
Man: Die, potato!
Potato: *screams*
I like trains.
Kid: I like trains.
Man: No, wait!
Train: *kills man*
Stephen Hawking = dead smart.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
When the autistic kid brings a gun to school and thinks it’s a dart gun.
What planet is related to planet butts? Uranus.
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Why did two fours skip lunch? They already ate.