Worst Jokes Ever
Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!
The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!
Is Gwen still on this app thing?
What kind of shoes does a kidnapper wear?
White vans.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.
Yo momma's so ugly Thanos had to snap twice.
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Any food an orphan has is a family-sized meal.
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
Q: Why did the orphan buy an iPhone X?
A: Because it has no home button.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
Why didn’t the Twin Towers like their pizza?
Cause it was plain.
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."