Why did the orphan cross the road and stop in a lane? To get run over.
Worst Jokes Ever
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Are you chicken me????!!!!
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!
Your hairline is so long that sometimes even the president doesn't know where it ends.
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
With great depression comes great antidepressants.
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?
When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.
I saw a little kid crying because he was lost. I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working in an orphanage!
Why don't orphans play Minecraft?
Because Technoblade is on the platform.
When an emo asks you to hang out under a tree...
What do Nemo and my dad have in common?
They both can't be found.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Why do cheetahs always get 100 on a test?
They’re cheetahs!
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
