If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
You Jokes
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
Did the sun just come out, or did you just smile at me?
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
"Why is my name Rose?"
"A rose fell on your head when you were born."
"Why is my name Daisy?"
"A daisy fell on your head when you were born."
"Bedrock is better than Java!"
"Oh, hi Brick!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.
I give you 31 because we will do the 69 later, thanks.
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.
Um, please do not swear, there is no need. Could you maybe just find clean jokes?
When the school shooter finds you under the table,
"Wonderful weather we're having!"
Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.
Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!
Person: WTF!
Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.
How did the cheetah greet other animals?
Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."
Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
