Why jokes
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
Why can't blondes make ice?
They forgot the recipe.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
Why do animals hate playing card games with foxes?
They’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
Wanna know why Stephen Hawking died?
He lost his Wi-Fi connection.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
Why couldn't the man get out of the maize maze?
He got corn-ered!
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find his parents.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.