When jokes

When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support.

I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?

Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.

What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?

Doughnuts, because they're holy.

What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?

Dark humor.

Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?

A: Owwww!!!!!

How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.

I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.

What is purple and whines when it’s squished?

A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂

What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?

Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄

I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.

What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?

"Stop it! It hertz so much!"

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"

Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.

My life.

Tell me when you get it.

When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.