When jokes
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.
Down will come dummy, cradle and all.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
What did the mincrater do when his Xbox turns off?
He raged! 😱
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T
What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?
Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.
Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.