When jokes

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

I hate it when people think I'm a boy because of my short hair. I mean, what did you expect? I'm gay, of course, I have short hair.

When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.

I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"

The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"

The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"

The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"

The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"

What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Pulling the diapers back up when you're done!

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”

What's the song that plays at the very end of the movie, Dr. Strangecow, during the montage of nuclear blasts?

"Veal meat again, don't know where, don't know when..."

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."

Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"

When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.

When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.

What did the knight say when he went to bed?

"Good Knight!" lul

Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.

What do bees do when they get married?

They go on a honeymoon.

Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?