emos are weird to me because they dress up all black and you know i dont like that so thats why i dont like it
So one day i have a wife but if its getting a longer day she is moving so weird and i see she has sex with rick astleyđ [rickrolled]
Guy it was so weird yesterday I saw a guy and he kept repeating the same thing over and over I hate people with dementia I told my mom to get a new mirror but she she wonât listen to me itâs almost like I sand it like 20 times every time I say it
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!) Are you an unsafe staircase? Cuz you look like you could use a railing.
I just got my doctorâs test results and Iâm really upset about it. Turns out, Iâm not gonna be a doctor. My grief counselor died. He was so good, I donât even care. Today, I asked my phone âSiri, why am I still single?â and it activated the front camera. A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, âI really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!â As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice. I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis. Donât challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless youâre prepared for the reaper cushions. I donât have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs. A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. âYou canât cut me down,â the tree exclaims, âIâm a talking tree!â The man responds, âYou may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.â My mom died when we couldnât remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to âbe positive,â but itâs hard without her. What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both canât be found. I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein. Do you know the phrase âOne manâs trash is another manâs treasureâ? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted. My husband left a note on the fridge that said, âThis isnât working.â Iâm not sure what heâs talking about. I opened the fridge door and itâs working fine! Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasnât a mourning person. Itâs important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words âantidoteâ and âanecdote,â one of my best friends would still be alive. Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I donât find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings. Give a man a match, and heâll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back. A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, âDo you have any last requests?â âYes,â replies the murderer. âCan you please hold my hand?â I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved. You know youâre not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo. Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere. Whatâs red and bad for your teeth? A brick. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister. What did the Titanic say as it sank? Iâm nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge! Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, âBach, Bach, Bach.â How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5. They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline. My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow. I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work. The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. Theyâre always so twisted. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they donât live in a swing state. I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down. Youâre not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear. Whatâs the difference between a hipster and a football player? A football player showers. I made a website for orphans. It doesnât have a home page. The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isnât talking to me. Why canât Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because heâs dead.
Repeat after me..... *Me* You have a weird style.*mom*you have a weird style.*me*un not your mirror*runs away *
why does aaron have no friends? Because his spine is weird and he is fat
so one time I had a dream where I as on a road trip and we drove a gulf cart and a Susan, which I donât know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan. We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom which was so weird!!!
i can here thunder outside which i find weird since the lightning is on my arm....
why is a preist called father its too weird to call them daddy
I fell in love with my teacher. Which is weird because I am home schooled
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the fuck out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels fucking weird when I go and take a piss.
Anyone on this app is homeless and has no point in life well I'm on this app 24/7 so do I have no point in life 24/7 or am I just weird and unwanted?
Children, and your meat are actually quite similar. At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
Whatâs the difference between a retard and a zombie.. nothing much they both dribble,moan,hungry,walk weirdly and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down
dear doctor
ive heard its a good sign when women scream your first name during sex but recently women have been screaming my full name. its weird, i feel like im famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly Ray Palp
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for miraculous ladybug childrens show whatever the show is called but its a kids show. Skull emoji. Now theyâre searching up pictures of tom holland laughing in their absolute weirdness. I like Tom Holland but these kids man, they like him like theyâre in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. Theyâre probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they arenât searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on google docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
It's weird being an autistic eugenicist. On one hand I want pussy and on the other hand I don't wanna pollute the white race with my genetic filth
