Weight jokes

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?

A pool table.

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.

You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.

Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.

Yo mama so fat, her blood type is mayonnaise.

Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"

Biggest chungus to the rescue, fat bitches!

Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.

You're so fat, you caused the Titanic to sink!

This will take a ton of time.

A skele-ton.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.

You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Your mom is so fat that she cannot look at her feet when taking a shower.

When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."