Weight jokes

Yo Mama is so FAT, it wasn't an iceberg that sank it, she was called, "THE MAMABERG!"

You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?

Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.

How do fat people settle arguments?

By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.

Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

How much does a hipster weigh?

About an Instagram.

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...

SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!

Q: How heavy is a photon?

A: It's light!

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.

Yo mama is so fat even Dora can't explore her.