We Jokes

Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

Abortion is beautiful. I wish we could all be aborted.

I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.

Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."

At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

We were making jokes before the second tower even fell!

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.

If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.

Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.

Hitla: That's exactly what I said.

"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."