We jokes

The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

What do me and an emo kid have in common:

We both like to hang.

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

Abortion is beautiful. I wish we could all be aborted.

I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.

Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."

At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

We were making jokes before the second tower even fell!

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.

If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.

Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.

Hitla: That's exactly what I said.

"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.