Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.
Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.
(The plane) we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no, we have to go through it.
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
We are anonymous because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.
