We jokes
Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?
Kid: Sure.
Dad: Come on.
Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?
Dad: Go in.
It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
Memes
Gwen and Prince chat and talk and discuss; we won't bother you! Here! Enjoy!
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
We (DYM 25).
"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!
Which one do you want to watch? 😀"
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!
Welcome to Dave’s orphanage. You make it, we take it.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
The north and south towers got into an argument.
The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"