We jokes

Why don't we have female magicians?

'Cause the last ones got hanged.

Yo mama so fat when she walked all we knew was EARTHQUAKE!

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

Your hairline is so deep that we measure it in metres.

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

What did the plane say to the towers: "Can't go over it, can't go under it, oh no, we got to go through it."

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, the whales said, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.

What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?

We have a case of Witzelsucht.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?

Kid: Sure.

Dad: Come on.

Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?

Dad: Go in.

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

A sandwich walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.

Hahaha :)