We jokes

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.

Hitla: That's exactly what I said.

My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.

If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

Yo mamma so fat that she like that ocean, we haven't even explored 5% of her yet.

Yo mamma so old that when she farts, we have to dust again.

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"

"Shut up and pass me the mop."

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

What did Al-Shehhi say to Mohamed Atta?

"We are on time!"

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

We gotta work ahead, people!

Why can't we see a camel?

Because it's camelflauged!

And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"