Ur jokes

Me: *stabs vampire*

Wife: omg

Me: *beats vampire to death*

Wife: OMG

Me: What?

Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.

I said something in your ear, and then it echoed because of the size of your forehead because your brain [is] small.

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.

Ur mom is so fat that when she came to the front door, she was already at the back door.

I know your hairline's pretty bent, but your gender's on a different level.

Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.

Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.

Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!