Twos jokes

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?

Two dead babies in an acid bath.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

Why can't America play chess?

Because it lost two towers.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

Yo mama is so fat, it takes two warlocks to summon her.

Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?

Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?

A pillow fight.

What time did the man go to the dentist at? Two-thirty.

Two's company, cheese a crowd!

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

Why can’t two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wrongs don’t make a white.

What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?

There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.