Twos jokes

Two sentence horror stories go.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? They were only two.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?

Jose and Hose B.

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Why were there two boys on the bay?

Because they were gay!

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?

In case they get a hole in one!

My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.

What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.