Tvs

Tvs Jokes

Porn

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

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  • TV

    What do TVs and girls have in common?

    They both show you stuff when you turn them on!

    Fan

    What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.

    Daughter

    One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

    The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

    The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"

    Mamma

    Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

    Adoption

    A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

    Gay Man

    What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?

    One makes your day and one makes your whole week.

    TV

    What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

    "Drop it, Jamal!"

    Mama

    Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

    Misunderstanding

    Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

    Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

    Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

    So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

    Slur

    I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

    Orphan

    What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?

    One has more channels.

    Comedian

    Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

    Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

    Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

    Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

    Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

    Comedian: "I-"

    Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"