Worst Jokes Ever

If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!

I went up to the blind kid and punched him and said bet you didn't see that coming

They say I'll mess up my insides, but I don't have any.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It picks cotton.

Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?

Really?

Well, the one I fucked did.

Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.

Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.

What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

- They see me rolling.

Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.

I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.

Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

Lol. It was just a prank, bro.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.