What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this s**t!"
Friend 1 : how come when you say apart your lips move apart but when you say together they move apart? Me: maybe your lips want a divorce
When you think of the word simp, you think of a girl. Girl stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is ding dong. Put them together and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.
Coworker why is Sara so blue? Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you, with your husband together out of love. U better watch out dear, she might saraorize him, with her crooked teeth & ultra thin lips.
How does a pengiun (how ever you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!!!! https://upjoke.com/penguin-jokes
Michael Jackson is like if a Barbie doll and Bruno Mar had an ugly child together!!! I'm jk btw Michael Jackson was amazing!
You:OMG I CANT BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER! The other person: Who? You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks
If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.
My builder was extending my basment when he questioned me because he found three ded kids n a corner tied together
*family are together playing charades*
Me: 50 Shades of Grey! Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on nan!
Can all the hot depressed, suicidal, guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we r. For real
Why can't orphans have friends
They will stay together
Teacher-what does the pig's skin do ? Student-it keeps pig skin together 😂
Can you believe they're still together after everything they've been through??
who you might ask...
YOUR ASS CHEEKS
Let’s stick together
So 3 guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank. The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily, and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man. The second one goes for his uncles vault because screw that son of a b***h he’s rich why does he need all the money. But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephews neck. The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought “well that b***h can suck my d**k she’s so poor anyway who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness” so he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day the third guys ex showed up to his house and said “imma f*****g murder you” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house. In hell the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked “you know I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said “b***h I don’t know maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already”
Why do they call them apartments when they're together?
Well a boy and a girl are in a bath tube together. The little boy says “Hey you see that I’m gonna go ask daddy what it is?” When the little boy asks his dad he says. “Well son that’s your car you try to park it in a girls parking spot.” As the boy runs back he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama that her spot was and she said. “Well that’s your parking spot never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back the little boy tried to put the car in well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.
