Time jokes
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.
It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.
Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."
So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.
What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?
The type that gets raped a lot.
How do you know if a rapist loves you?
He will rape you many times.
Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.
Yo mama so lazy that she didn’t give birth to you until you were 15.
Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣
I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂
Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
Yo mama is so old that she was born on the first day the universe existed.
What is the difference between you and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
Me and your hairline go way back, years and years.