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This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.

Have a sink in your house? Eat it.

Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.

Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.

...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4

The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.

Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.

The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.

"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.

Hey, you wanna hear something funny?

An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.

This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."

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    • Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

    My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

    Hey dad, I'm hungry!

    Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?

    This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

    The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

    What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?

    The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.

    Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."

    First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."

    She replies, "Really original."

    Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."

    She replies, "Ew, gross."

    Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."

    Winner dog 3.

    Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?

    A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.