New This Jokes - Page 97 - Worst Jokes Ever

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

Hey dad, I'm hungry!

Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?

This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

Fuck all reading this.

What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?

The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.

This is Sally.

Sally says hi.

This is Sally when a car comes by. 🤕

Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."

First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."

She replies, "Really original."

Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."

She replies, "Ew, gross."

Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."

Winner dog 3.

Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?

A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

I figured I would steel it and put it on this site. I mean, it was either that, or lose it forever.

When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:

Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

This is a Rickroll. The joke is that you thought you were going to get something else, but instead you got Rickrolled.

This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.

"Korn Kob Kyle??? You know what this means!"

yikes...

#PlugWalk

Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?

This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.

Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.

I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.

Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.

One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."